so i wonder, who invented ketamine and for what purpose?
i rolled around on the floor after inhaling two very large lines of ketamine, i suppose my tolerance went down after all this time. i put the tray in the cupboard above the stove and walked over to the couch. tried to watch skins, couldn’t do it, not right now, so i listened to Oli XL and layed on the ground, fetal position, i think my cats could tell there was something seriously wrong with me. i thought about how crazy it is that we are humans here on earthand we;ve come this far, and for what? for me to be too high on the carpet?
intense closed eye hallucination of a fuzzy red wall, dithered and distorted, flickering, i thought about a story i wanted to write, and had a vision of pink pixel guardian angel, out of the corner of my eye, she was floating above the steel beam, looking at me, when i blinked she disappeared, i thought ‘i should write that down’ but then i forgot, and then i remembered. i’m too afraid to take risks, and i lack the commitment and confidence and follow-through, i think that’s what’s wrong with me. but that’s not even true, i do risky shit all the time, but it’s stupid shit, all destructive, nothing worth saving, i guess what i mean is that i’m too scared to put effort in and actually try in case i fail, or even worse, if i succeed, and have to take myself seriously, and it’s really quite silly if i put it that way. i am typing this with one eye shut, my right eye, for some reason it seems so bright in my apartment, even though it’s definitely not, any way i feel blinded and disoriented or maybe it’s the drugs. i wonder if anyone would even care about what i had to say, ever. maybe i should start a blog. but you’ve had this idea before, hundreds of times, are you ever actually going to do anything?